Shoreline and Olympia, WA (Telehealth available statewide) Coaching available out of state
Attachment begins before birth.
For children who are separated from their biological mothers, even as newborns, that loss can create deep and lasting trauma. Adoption is often overlooked as a source of attachment disruption, but research shows adopted children face higher levels of attachment insecurity compared to their non-adopted peers. These patterns can carry forward into adulthood, affecting relationships, behavior, and emotional regulation. Hypervigilance is a common experience for many adoptees. The nervous system stays on alert, often due to early separation and the body's stress response. This can shape how safety, love, and trust are felt later in life.
You want to feel close to others, but connection often feels unsafe.
Maybe you panic when someone pulls away, even slightly. Maybe you find yourself emotionally shutting down when someone gets too close. You might stay in unhealthy relationships because the thought of being abandoned feels worse than being mistreated.
These patterns do not mean you are broken. They often begin with early loss that was never named. For adoptees, attachment wounds can begin before memory, rooted in the separation from a biological parent. Even when placed in loving homes, many adoptees carry a sense of instability that lingers in the body and shapes how relationships are experienced.
You might find yourself working hard to be chosen, constantly scanning for rejection, or feeling overwhelmed by the idea that people will leave if you stop trying so hard. These struggles can affect friendships, romantic partnerships, parenting, and your ability to feel emotionally safe — even when nothing seems wrong.
Together, we can explore why connection feels hard and what safety can look like for you.
Adoption can feel isolating, especially when your lived experience does not match the story others expect. You may have heard that being adopted did not matter, only to realize later that it shaped everything — how you love, how you trust, and how you understand yourself.
For many adoptees, love and attachment are shaped by survival. Your nervous system maynot recognize safety, only threat. Even when you want closeness, your body may respondwith fear or shutdown.
These reactions are not flaws. They are responses to loss and disconnection that began early. Therapy gives us space to slow down and notice what is happening inside you. This is not about getting rid of your reactions. It is about understanding where they came from and gently exploring new ways of relating that feel more grounded and more true.
You are worthy of connection that does not require performance. You deserve a space where you can be your full self without fear of losing love.
Complex trauma & Attachment THERAPY FOR:
Adult adoptees who feel unsafe in relationships
People ready to explore how early loss shaped their connection patterns
Clients navigating fear of abandonment or emotional shutdown
How I approach Trauma and Attachment Therapy
This work starts with safety. Before anything else, we focus on helping you feel more settled in your body and more connected to your inner sense of what feels right.
We explore patterns without judgment. Together, we look at how your early experiences shaped your relationships, your nervous system, and your sense of self. You do not have to perform or explain. You get to be real.
Using trauma-informed and relational approaches, we move slowly and with intention. You begin to build new ways of relating that are rooted in trust, not fear.
Things we can work on in Trauma and Attachment therapy:
Understanding how early separation shaped your nervous system and sense of safety
Exploring how survival patterns like shutdown, people pleasing, or hypervigilance show up in relationships
Building trust in yourself and your inner cues
Practicing emotional regulation that does not rely on perfection or control
Creating space for connection that feels honest and steady
Developing boundaries that protect your energy without cutting you off from others
Many adopted adults spend years feeling on edge in their relationships.
You may constantly worry that people will leave, question whether love is safe, or feel like you are too much and not enough at the same time. With therapy, these patterns can begin to shift. You can learn what safety feels like in your body. You can trust that closeness does not have to come at the cost of your peace. You can begin to build relationships that are steady, mutual, and nourishing.
If this sounds like something you have been searching for, I would be honored to support you. Schedule a consultation to take the next step.
FAQs
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It can show up as fear of abandonment, people pleasing, emotional withdrawal, or a constant feeling that something is wrong in your relationships. You might feel on high alert, especially when closeness or separation are involved. These are not personal failings. They are responses to early loss and disruption.
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No. We will start wherever you feel ready. You do not need to relive painful moments in order to heal. The focus will be on helping you feel grounded and safe, and we will move at a pace that feels manageable for you.
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Having a supportive adoptive family does not erase the impact of early separation or unspoken grief. It is possible to love your family and still carry pain from what was lost. Both can be true, and your experience is valid either way.